Here’s A Tip

23 December 2008 Christie Ortiz

Before I became a self employed jill of all trades, I used to sling drinks for a living. Anyone who’s ever bartended or waited tables can attest to the niceties of this kind of work. Cash tips, discount food, discount drinks, a vast variety of people to work with, cash tips, new people to meet and regulars that come just to see you and did I mention cash tips? All of those things are all well and good, but people who’ve done their time in the service industry and those who’ve made it their lifetime career can also attest to the assholes, lousy tippers, high maintenance customers and people who apparently have never been in a restaurant or bar before. Now I know dining out can be a bit of a harrowing experience, especially if you’ve never been to a particular establishment before, or you’re not familiar with the kind of food that they serve. Eating out is just like any other endeavor, it’s all about common sense. If a place serves hamburgers and fries, they more than likely have ketchup (don’t laugh, someone actually asked me that once). After all the time I spent slinging drinks and now stepping out to gnosh on fine delectables and be at the mercy of other fine bartenders and servers I realized there is still a lot for people on the dining outside to know. Consider this an insider’s do and don’t guide for all of you still blithely unaware of how “they” see you and all of you too afraid to ask.

DO:

-Be Nice to your Server/Bartender
They handle your food and make your drinks and you wouldn’t want any bodily fluids to land in your sandwich or beverage. Trust me, it happens. See the movie “Waiting” if you need a visual.

-Tip Your Serve/Bartender Well
You are going to an establishment and expecting service, it’s why you go out. If you don’t want to pay for the service, you should have stayed home in your underwear and sipped on your strawberry margarita and gotten take out. The acceptable rate for tips is 15-20% of your check. Not 5-10% you cheap bastards. The average hourly rate in the majority of bars/restaurants is $2.16-$3.50. Most paychecks often come to $0 after taxes. Don’t be a dickmonkey.

-Engage Your Server
Ask them questions about the menu. Most establishments go through extensive food and beverage knowledge classes each day, so they’ll be more than happy to help you pick what to eat and what to imbibe.

-Overtip
If you ask them to do all kinds of crazy things for your meal or pick something on the menu and then request everything be taken out and add all kinds of other ingredients to suit you then you’ve just made a whole new meal and your server/bartender has to go face the kitchen staff, who contrary to popular belief DON’T like changing their culinary creations for you, and will let the server know in no uncertain terms how they feel about it. Think of the over tipping as a shielding fee from the harsh four letter words from the chef.

DON’T:

-Snap or Yell Hey
Servers and Bartenders are not your hired servants nor are they animals. If you need something, a polite “excuse me” or just eye contact will usually let them know you need something. If you see a bartender making seven drinks at a time and delivering food assume that they are busy and will get to you as soon as they can. Snapping or yelling will only make them ignore you and mumble “assclown” while serving you your lame ass Apple Martini.

-Tell Bartenders How to Make a Drink
When you order a drink with exact specifications then your mixologist will be more than happy to make that happen for you, but if you just make a general order of a maker’s mark manhattan up and then get pissed off because they’re shaking it too hard(you can’t bruise bourbon dillhole) you’re way too uptight. Exception to this rule: You can tell a bartender how to make a drink if it’s something they’ve never heard of and you know what’s in it. If you don’t know what’s in it, then you shouldn’t be drinking it.

-Blame Servers/Bartenders When You’re Food Is Taking Too Long
They do not have control over your food order once it hits the kitchen. Most establishments have a set way to order which allows the pacing for your meal. You are supposed to enjoy a dining experience, not rush thru it. Asking the person who took your order what’s taking so long is useless, because they have to go back to the kitchen only to come out and tell you it will be a few more minutes. You’re not going to starve, and if you’re in a hurry don’t order the most labor intensive items on the menu. A burger or sandwich will take less time than a brick oven pizza or exotic frog leg risotto.

-Forget To Tip on Takeout
Listen to what I am saying. Just because you call in an order doesn’t mean there’s isn’t any service involved in your food being in a bag when you arrive. Everyone from the bartender, host, food runners, servers and kitchen staff has a hand making the magic happen. So for you to stride in when it’s smack dab in the middle of happy hour or prime time dinner service and have people running around gathering your order and not give up at least a dollar is rude and makes people wish they would have licked the underside of your burger. STOP being an ass.

-Complain About the Amount of a Pour
That goes for wine, liquor or anything else. Most establishments have a required pour for any beverage that comes in a fancy glass. Be it 5 oz, 7oz or 2oz of liquor in a mixed drink. DO NOT send your server back to the bar asking for more alcohol with the lame ass excuse that “every other restaurant we’ve been to pours this amount..blah blah blah”. If that’s the case then exercise your right to choose that “ridiculously uncaring about their liquor costs establishment” you frequent and have the bucket of alcohol you’re used to. Don’t be a jackhole and expect it from every place that you go.

This list could go on forever, but all it comes down to is common sense which webster defines as this…sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts. Easy right? Yes, it is. Now go out and eat and try not to piss people off.