Idol Schmidol

1 June 2008 Carita Ellis-Espola

Fine fine fine. America LOVES American Idol. Great. The hopes and dreams of impressionable youngsters are made, or completely crushed in front of the whole United States. Sure, why not? Reality TV has taken over the world anyway and as reality shows go, it could be worse- at least it’s a contest. Still, I want to pay homage to those who have worked tirelessly for years- no professional grooming, no SUV limo service, no insta-Grammy’s whatsoever.

Go ahead- call it jealousy. Who wouldn’t want to be discovered in a mall and end up on the cover of Rolling Stone in six months time? It certainly seems badass. But isn’t it a sort of smack in the face to the people who have put in their time? If I were Richard Marx or Jamiroquai, I’d smack the shit out of Clay Aiken’s sprouted bangs for scoring two shows a night in Vegas after all I’d done. I certainly would not consider him one of my contemporaries. And that Daughtry; sure he’s great, but if I were Eddie Van Halen, or Eddie Vedder for that matter, I’d want to kick his ass. After years of hard working musicians being motivated by sheer will; sleeping in vans, rehearsing in sheds and bathrooms to earn those coveted validation stripes, these golden Wonka tickets just seem wrong. It’s no different than training the new guy and then being informed five months later that he’s your new supervisor. It seems downright insulting.

Everyone was shocked that Faith Hill had a heart attack on camera when Carrie Underwood got the ‘Best New Look at Me’ award, but how could she not? Of course it is considered inappropriate and disrespectful for one artist to slight another, but as artists go, American Idol stars gain their fame through ‘paint by numbers’ sketches. They become famous, not so much for originality or how well they move a crowd, but for how well they adapt. The talent seems more secondary every year. They should be pleased that it was Faith Hill and not me who was caught being human. YouTube would have had to censor the words they would’ve filmed me yelling in my Donatella Versace original. I probably would have screamed “Bullshit, Bullshit!” directly into the camera before storming out of that building.

Too bad if Jordin Sparks is your new pop Goddes, she is a do it yourself, paint by numbers sketch of at least ten legitimate artists that have come before her. As good as one might believe her to be, like so many other Idols, she lacks the earthy richness that it takes years to develop, so why in God’s name is she rich? Bullshit.

American Idol is by far the epitome of this society’s obsession with instant gratification. Worst of all, the Idols themselves are missing some of the best parts of becoming what it is they are probably aiming for- a legacy. Singing and songwriting is an art like any other. How on earth do they expect these kids to make music that has meaning and withstands the test of time if they can tell their life stories, from birth to super stardom, in twenty minutes? I guess the trick is to see who will stick and who will fall away like so many needles in a hay stack, but is there a committee that intends to be responsible for the hundreds of twenty eight year old, washed up, has-beens and their inevitable mental and/or drug rehabilitations should their lofty ambitions fail? I’m just asking. It is not like getting fired from The Gap. I am almost certain there are no teams of make-up and wardrobe who are still around preparing these poor left-over, almost famous stars for their re-entry into the work force. There is no ex-Idol psychologist on stand-by to remind them that they will no longer be waiting on the catering cart, but will now be pushing it. Seems like there should be a person in charge of such useful information.

Everybody deserves a shot at proving they could be paid for whatever they believe they are good at, but there has to be a more legitimate and down to earth avenue for those who believe that they deserve what Madonna has. Anyone who’s ever tried schlepping a demo knows that it is not easy to get the attention of those who could help launch a career. God knows we do not easily support music industry pimps in this office. However, maybe part of the reason the process is so difficult, is to deter just any old Tom, Dick and Sanjaya from waking up one morning and deciding they want to be a singer; thereby wasting everyone’s time with their half-hearted attempt at giving people music and art that will not only entertain, but make a difference. Those who want to bling bling and kiss movie stars without giving anything back don’t deserve our attention. I’m not necessarily saying it is the sole intention of American Idol wannabees to do so, but American Idol itself seems to encourage that thinking and it stinks. The whole thing makes me want a big American Midol.

So this is a shout out to those who have worked, sweated and gone without cable to make their dreams come true. Those who have endured and succeeded, as well as those still enduring and trying to make the music and art which future generations may proudly remember this one for. Since it is so inappropriate for you to say these things publicly, we will. We salute you. Rock on.