Zombie Illustration courtesy of Aleksi BRICLOT

---

I have been saying for years that one should be prepared for a zombie attack & when I do everyone kind of giggles and ignores me. So, I’ll try again. Everyone should get this book The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks and also check out his website for more info.

Now when I say zombies, I’m not talking about the lumbering, mouth breathing, not too bright zombies from the original Night of The Living Dead that crawled out of the earth because of a meteor passing by or acid rain. No. I’m talking about the full on running at top speed, raging, gnashing, can smell your blood from a mile away zombies like in 28 Days Later and the remake of Dawn of The Dead which spread thru some kind of man made biological weapon/virus. Those are the ones that keep me up at night figuring out an escape plan when it all goes straight to hell(and it will). Those are the ones that I have an emergency bag packed with necessary items like boots, army pants, a kevlar shirt(it might stop them from biting me), safety goggles(just in case it can get into your eye from blood splashing), a machete, a lighter, a gun & extra bullets. There’s more stuff in there, but you get the point.

I have also warned the people that I love most dearly that if they turn into a zombie I will, without even blinking, shoot them in the head or decapitate them on sight. I have had nightmares about being surrounded by zombies and eaten alive which to me is worse than drowning, which for a long time was my number one fear. All of this of course stems from too many zombie movies, in particular, The Return of The Living Dead, which had scream queen of the late 80’s & 90’s Linnea Quigley in it, as a rebellious punk rocker, named Trash, who preferred to dance naked in graveyards with zombies running amok. And how did she meet her demise? She got caught by a bunch of zombies trying to run away, while naked of course, and she was devoured by the whole lot of ‘em.

I can also say this whole preoccupation with zombies also stems from the state of the world. How far off is it really to say that some scientists somewhere aren’t working on some kind of biological rage virus to use on terrorists, only they have a traitor in their midst who plans to sell it to the highest bidder and unleash it on the U.S. when we least expect it(like Earth Day)? I have this copyrighted, so don’t be getting any funny ideas about trying to sell it as a screenplay either. All I’m trying to convey is, lots of strange things happen all the time and alot of tragic things happen all the time that no-one ever sees coming. Hiroshima anyone?.

Back then, no one expected the other side was working on a bomb that could destroy human beings in the blink of an eye. So who’s to say they’re not working on something that will catch us all off guard? Something that seeps quietly in thru the lettuce mister at your local grocery store while you’re picking out the perfect zucchini? You turn around to your significant other to see if they think it’s alright and now you’re looking at a dead eyed replica of their former self as they lunge at your brain container. That zucchini will only get you so far with this new breed of zombies.

---

How to Survive A Zombie Attack: PAY ATTENTION!

We’ve included this handy dandy Emergency Procedure Guide that you can download & hand out to all of your soon to be eaten friends who do not heed your warning, courtesy of UrbanDead.com where you can actually play a survivor of a zombie attack and hone your zombie destroying skills!

Apple: CTRL+Click Save to Desktop PC: Right Click Save to Desktop

Also..here’s Max Brooks giving a speech about Zombie Survival.

Last 3 posts by Christie Ortiz

• Dreamy Winter Libations - December 23rd, 2009
• Scary Xmas, NERDS! - December 23rd, 2009
• Grindhouse Fridays - December 22nd, 2009